I always seem to write when I am stressed out. If you've been paying attention lately. . . I am stressed. I mean, lets do a little recap of the past 6 months. Moved out of an apartment that I had with some really cool people. Got into a good relationship and great apartment with a fantastic girl. More or less a step up from something I did have. Might take that with a grain of salt. However, that didnt last long. More or less due to me. Then I got in trouble for hitting my ex girlfriend. Cant really deny that happened. We could go into why I did it, But who cares. When you are guilty, Ur Guilty. Now im unemployed and cant pay any of my bills, loans, child support or have the cash for my class. If I dont take the class by the way, I go to jail. No passing GO and certainly no 200 bucks.
So, with all that. I have been having a real hard time sleeping. 5 am rolls around and my eyes are still open and staring at the ceiling. But hey, stress does that. I know my stress affects other people too. I know it rolls off, and I make people worry. But when has Rion ever done anything so stupid that he cant pop back up from it. I do stupid shit every day though. I think we all do. To a point. Ive been so lame lately, even to the point I get no sex. My choice really, But thats how it goes I suppose. No work, No play.. Not cool. Ive had some thoughts about skipping town. But, I really cant do that. Though, I know some people would just love to see me go. More or less so they could prove to the world how horrible I am.
I suppose its the way it will be anyhow. I think what bothers me the most, is how im referred to as the bad guy. I suppose in some aspects I deserve it. I just think there are more than a dozen reasons why I dont deserve the title. Does the past ever mean anything? Could you be a superhero all your life, then make one mistake and have it all go down the drain? Or is that just something women are amazing at doing? Crushing the past with an iron fist and making the here and now matter. However, If in their past they did nothing but take care of you, mother you and "make you a better person", you will only ever here it as them being so amazing in the past. Usually, they leave you because they just cant keep carrying you. Oh, How silly women are lately.
As sad as it is, its become a womans world. Oh, dont get me wrong. Its not because they run it, or are more intelligent than us males. Nay, they are not more powerful or amazing in any way. They scream equality, but really demand extensive care. Used to be, the woman ran to the man for protection. We hunted and helped them survive. Oh, Dont get me wrong. I am sure women could have done it themselves. But, they didnt. Now, the second a woman gets in trouble, needs money or a second (third, fourth or fifth) chance.. Well.. part the red seas again. We got another one.
Dont get me wrong. I love women, I think they are amazing. Just like every girl has a prince charming. Im sure there are amazing women out there. The world Cannot be full of . . lazy, controlling, manipulative, greedy, holier than thou, my way or the highway, attitude wielding, PMS abusing women. Oh.. they already do. They are all 2 years old. .or 3.. maybe even 4. But after 4 I am pretty sure they develop an attitude and start acting like their mom.
None of that, by the way, its directed at any specific person, or groups of people. Its more of a opinion on society. If you feel insulted by that, please do ask yourself.. Why? On another note, do you ever wonder why women pride themselves on being bitches? Or hard asses? Or 'single independent mothers'. Is that even a compliment to ones self? Children need a mother and a father to be raised in good fashion. They dont have to be together, but seriously. How many times do I see the same old sentence describing a woman. "I have a son/daughter and he/she is my world!" "I raise him by myself because his/her dad isnt around/doesnt wanna be around." Being a male in that situation, I cant say Im the worlds best father. Im probably very far from it, and I can admit that. But I promise you that second quote doesnt apply to me at all. More or less, I have been threatened with him being moved to another state because Im an asshole. Right, Take it out on the child because Im an asshole. Get over it maybe, thats my thought.
The majority of people with kids that I know, are single. Whether they be man or woman. You have your occasional situation where the woman lost her boyfriend/husband in the war, or in an accident. Thats an entirely different story, But amazingly enough the women are still just as bitter. No idea what Im going to do now tho.
I suppose I should just finish out this sentence that Ive been assigned to do. Get it all done and go try again somewhere else. It seems im at the point of no return really. I suppose I should get a vesectomy though. It seems making babies is bad joojoo for me. They turn out super cute and amazing, But they seem to ruin the girls ive been with. Or, Is that me? I think its me, pretty sure it is. I suppose thats a fair assumption. I cant be good at everything though. Perhaps relationships are just not my thing. Ive been told how much fun I am single anyhow. I do know, that a year from now ill be laying on a pillow, thinking about the past and realizing I fucked up again. But, Ill be far away. Most likely with a different girl laying across my chest. Hrmm, Hope she isnt ugly. Haha. But we can all hope cant we.
The women that are in and around my life now are quite fantastic tho. In their own way. One is a lot of fun, if I can ever get her out. Another is a shining beacon of hope for woman kind. The other is a constant whirlwind of emotion. Now, the trick is.. am I really describing one woman at a time, or all three woman at once with the same three lines? Because lets face it, I really did just describe most women. Its all in the moment really. One day you wake up and think, Wow. She is awesome. Another day.. They are too tired to do anything and just wanna watch a movie. The third hour they are crying and upset because You didnt take out the trash. Ok, Im being obnoxious now.
If only I had the power to replay the last 10 years of my life.
What would I do then, If I could. Oh, I can think of a dozen things Id do, a few things I wouldnt. And a whole shit load of things id do differently.
-Trounce
