Three strikes and I'm ... Out?

Alright. So, After about 3 paragraphs, I erased what I wrote. Then, erased yet another paragraph. Lack of inspiration. What does inspire me. Psychology, women, Feelings, Emotions, Music. Music? yeah, I am surprised at that comment. But I'm doing what I do best, writing off the top of my head. I have decided, That it would be best, if I just learned to define what I want in life and go for it. But, half the problem is, I don't know what I want.

I do know, that I really enjoy being a male. Something about being the protector of the species really calls to me. I never mind putting myself first, or volunteering to help. I think being the gentleman, knight in shining armor really speaks to me. Partly because its a great part of our history as men. I also think it needs to be reinforced lately. So many douche bags on planet earth right now. A whole lot more in and around my circle of friends than I thought. I know I am an asshole, especially when it comes to the emotions I put women through. I need work, I know that. But don't we all? Ive made a great many mistakes toward women. How many times will I revisit this nightmare.

Lets kill a few inner demons shall we. Lets see, Ive had 3 serious relationships I think. I've cheated in every one of them. I have lost all three, mainly for that reason. Is it all my fault.. I guess so. I couldn't keep my dick in my pants, mainly cuz its so huge! OK, We all know that's not true. Do I regret cheating, I would like to think not. I don't want to regret the one life I have, and the decisions I make in it. I would like to think I have had some of the most perfect women that life could offer, as far as them being my girlfriend.

My first. . Well, we had a song and everything. I was her first.. everything. She was the first person my heart was stolen by. She may not know it, But it was hers from the moment I laid eyes on her. It was that innocent smile, and those bright eyes. She was probably one of the happiest people id ever seen in my life. Hopefully no one knows what its like to see someone you love breaking down in front of you, because of something you did to them. I don't like to think I did that, more than once. But its true. However, in the time that we did spend together.. Despite being txted or called every other hour. . She was amazing to me. From the time we saw each other in the morning, until the txt or late call to wish each other good night.

The second, was nearly the same. Well, no. Who am I kidding. She was one of a kind, so imperfect. It was a square meeting a triangle. Different sides about everything. Nothing matched up, but we did. Somehow. Her blue eyes, so bright. She tried to hard to hide her lazy eye.. I noticed. She had the most adorable laugh, and dammit, I hated yelling at her. She didn't deserve my attitude on half the matters that came up. Although I put a lot of time and effort into our relationship. I don't think I gave it my all. More and more I think I could have saved it all. And now, Ive lost it for good I think. There are some that still put a small amount of stock into it, I just don't see it. She has gone so far as to get married, But not because of me. No. To be happy and move on. We still have, id hope, one thing that bonds us. Although, she will probably ignore it.

My third and most recent. .  It still hurts, though she might not think it does. I don't even know that what we had was as real as we both think. It seemed to revolve around the bedroom, as I suppose made sense. Drinks and sex. I still loved her though. I think women are weird that way though. Taking only a moment to fall so ever deeply in love, and then when the relationship is over. It only seems a few months and they have completely forgotten everything. And as a man, Do I admit to still having such feelings long after? Is it because I can differentiate between romantic sex and physical gratification? Just something I will have to work on. She was amazing, If only we could find common ground besides a pillow top mattress.

In all these relationships I can say that I've learned a few things. Id like to say they are things I wont repeat. But that isn't the case, is it. Women are, as I've said, complex creatures. Ive read a six hundred page book, about understand women. I disregarded half of it I'm sure. Well, I retained the information. I just didn't find it accurate. Women are like time and technology. They change every few years. Things are not the way they used to be. I cant understand every one, I know that. I don't even understand myself sometimes. I am fully aware that the most sexually gratifying experiences have been with one of the three women that have been my girlfriends. And its not even due to the emotional part. Its just a fact. You can run a good race, But if you practice, you will only get better.

Perhaps, Ill just cut off women all together. Yeah, Why not. Why don't we try this, See if I can even keep a regiment to my readers. Today is.. Monday, February 21st. What happens if I don't sleep with anyone for six months. For kicks, as I've always wanted to.. Ill grow my hair out. No haircut for six months either. Lets see what I look like with ugly ass long hair. My mom will freak, I be she is as she reads this. It could be fun. Ill do my best to keep myself from women and such. Of course, though. Once I commit to this, Karma will kick me in the ass and throw every sexually frustrated women at my doorstep. Not that 2 months is any great deal, but 2 months penance for each failed relationship. What do I get if I can pull this off, as Life cant go without rewards. Well, In about six months time.. It will be my daughters birthday, and my sons will have just passed. So perhaps Ill visit my daughter? Who knows.

I will have to explain to all my friends over in Aussie, and throughout the rest of the world, and they will most likely laugh. By the way, My buddies over in Aussie are pretty bad ass. They give me more respect than I deserve. But that's cool. On with the games. They are becoming regular friends, which is nice. I cant tell you how few people ask me in real life how my kids are. I appreciate all those rough neck bastards in the good ol OGC.

-Trounce