This has been an interesting week. I have some realisations. I don't think they were the best ones, as in, those that make me happy. Probably tipping toward the negative. But that's alright, because life will go on. Set your eyes on the horizon and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I am not sure about one thing though. There is this guy, in one of the online games I play. No, Its not WoW. Seriously.. But to the point. It seems, though he is far from the circle of close friends, he seems to ask the questions I feel my close to home friends should ask. No big deal though, perhaps in the real world, as in, not online, I am not the type of person you approach for things like that. I think a lot of people put out that extremely common phrase, "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here". But are they?
Being the person I am, I will always have a place for a friend to sleep. Perhaps I cant always give someone forty bucks, or even pay back a fifty I borrowed more than a year ago. However, I do my best to keep my place and availability open to those that need help. I would probably be a lot better off if I kept myself "broke" all the time. I would like to say that I am always improving who I am. But I know that's nearly a bold faced lie. More or less, I try to talk better my mind and morals than anything. I just cant show that to anyone, because its really hard to prove that a moral has been made stronger. So, I have been toying with the idea of finding a boxing teacher. A little self discipline and a hearty workout would probably do me a good amount of.. well Good.
You know, I wanna touch on something real quick. I think its funny, and even I am guilty of it on occasion. It happens mostly online, But I hear it more and more in real life. Its so fucking common, to call someone a faggot, or a nigger. Do we have a love for the letter g or something? Or, do we just use the two things that we can make fun of the easiest because we lack some creativity. A faggot is not a cigarette. "Oh but it is in. . . " Blah blah blah. I don't fuckin CARE what a faggot is in another country, or if back in the day it was a synonym for a cigarette. You wanna call someone a faggot, or gay.. Do it elsewhere. For fucks sake, I don't actively seek to surround myself by self afflicted idiots. You wanna use the word Nigger, Go to Alabama and walk into a bar full of black people. Show me you got balls to do it, and Ill let you use it. Not that I will seriously stop you, but really.. come on. I think Racism is funny. The jokes make me laugh, because racial stereotypes are funny. Do I think actual racist behavior and actual racist violence is funny, no. Its pointless, narrow minded and ignorant. So do me the tiniest favor if you read this blog, realise those words make me uncomfortable, and don't use them. Also.. "That's so gay." Really, High school was years ago bro, let it go.
Now that I have done my one humanitarian deed for the week, what else do I talk about. Not a lot on my mind. Just had to fulfill my weekly blog. Sittin here at near 5 in the morning. Drinking a glass of water and thinking about brushing my teeth. Perhaps Ill go for a walk.
I really hope that by the time I'm 27, which is about 12 months away.. I have actually learned a thing or two in the ring, and have actually adhered to a workout routine that gets me to where I wanna be. Sick and tired of being a procrastinator. Just going to break the habit. Tired of being a fat American. Ha. That was for the 0GC Boys.
-Trounce
Showing posts with label Dealing with it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dealing with it. Show all posts
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Three strikes and I'm ... Out?
Alright. So, After about 3 paragraphs, I erased what I wrote. Then, erased yet another paragraph. Lack of inspiration. What does inspire me. Psychology, women, Feelings, Emotions, Music. Music? yeah, I am surprised at that comment. But I'm doing what I do best, writing off the top of my head. I have decided, That it would be best, if I just learned to define what I want in life and go for it. But, half the problem is, I don't know what I want.
I do know, that I really enjoy being a male. Something about being the protector of the species really calls to me. I never mind putting myself first, or volunteering to help. I think being the gentleman, knight in shining armor really speaks to me. Partly because its a great part of our history as men. I also think it needs to be reinforced lately. So many douche bags on planet earth right now. A whole lot more in and around my circle of friends than I thought. I know I am an asshole, especially when it comes to the emotions I put women through. I need work, I know that. But don't we all? Ive made a great many mistakes toward women. How many times will I revisit this nightmare.
Lets kill a few inner demons shall we. Lets see, Ive had 3 serious relationships I think. I've cheated in every one of them. I have lost all three, mainly for that reason. Is it all my fault.. I guess so. I couldn't keep my dick in my pants, mainly cuz its so huge! OK, We all know that's not true. Do I regret cheating, I would like to think not. I don't want to regret the one life I have, and the decisions I make in it. I would like to think I have had some of the most perfect women that life could offer, as far as them being my girlfriend.
My first. . Well, we had a song and everything. I was her first.. everything. She was the first person my heart was stolen by. She may not know it, But it was hers from the moment I laid eyes on her. It was that innocent smile, and those bright eyes. She was probably one of the happiest people id ever seen in my life. Hopefully no one knows what its like to see someone you love breaking down in front of you, because of something you did to them. I don't like to think I did that, more than once. But its true. However, in the time that we did spend together.. Despite being txted or called every other hour. . She was amazing to me. From the time we saw each other in the morning, until the txt or late call to wish each other good night.
The second, was nearly the same. Well, no. Who am I kidding. She was one of a kind, so imperfect. It was a square meeting a triangle. Different sides about everything. Nothing matched up, but we did. Somehow. Her blue eyes, so bright. She tried to hard to hide her lazy eye.. I noticed. She had the most adorable laugh, and dammit, I hated yelling at her. She didn't deserve my attitude on half the matters that came up. Although I put a lot of time and effort into our relationship. I don't think I gave it my all. More and more I think I could have saved it all. And now, Ive lost it for good I think. There are some that still put a small amount of stock into it, I just don't see it. She has gone so far as to get married, But not because of me. No. To be happy and move on. We still have, id hope, one thing that bonds us. Although, she will probably ignore it.
My third and most recent. . It still hurts, though she might not think it does. I don't even know that what we had was as real as we both think. It seemed to revolve around the bedroom, as I suppose made sense. Drinks and sex. I still loved her though. I think women are weird that way though. Taking only a moment to fall so ever deeply in love, and then when the relationship is over. It only seems a few months and they have completely forgotten everything. And as a man, Do I admit to still having such feelings long after? Is it because I can differentiate between romantic sex and physical gratification? Just something I will have to work on. She was amazing, If only we could find common ground besides a pillow top mattress.
In all these relationships I can say that I've learned a few things. Id like to say they are things I wont repeat. But that isn't the case, is it. Women are, as I've said, complex creatures. Ive read a six hundred page book, about understand women. I disregarded half of it I'm sure. Well, I retained the information. I just didn't find it accurate. Women are like time and technology. They change every few years. Things are not the way they used to be. I cant understand every one, I know that. I don't even understand myself sometimes. I am fully aware that the most sexually gratifying experiences have been with one of the three women that have been my girlfriends. And its not even due to the emotional part. Its just a fact. You can run a good race, But if you practice, you will only get better.
Perhaps, Ill just cut off women all together. Yeah, Why not. Why don't we try this, See if I can even keep a regiment to my readers. Today is.. Monday, February 21st. What happens if I don't sleep with anyone for six months. For kicks, as I've always wanted to.. Ill grow my hair out. No haircut for six months either. Lets see what I look like with ugly ass long hair. My mom will freak, I be she is as she reads this. It could be fun. Ill do my best to keep myself from women and such. Of course, though. Once I commit to this, Karma will kick me in the ass and throw every sexually frustrated women at my doorstep. Not that 2 months is any great deal, but 2 months penance for each failed relationship. What do I get if I can pull this off, as Life cant go without rewards. Well, In about six months time.. It will be my daughters birthday, and my sons will have just passed. So perhaps Ill visit my daughter? Who knows.
I will have to explain to all my friends over in Aussie, and throughout the rest of the world, and they will most likely laugh. By the way, My buddies over in Aussie are pretty bad ass. They give me more respect than I deserve. But that's cool. On with the games. They are becoming regular friends, which is nice. I cant tell you how few people ask me in real life how my kids are. I appreciate all those rough neck bastards in the good ol OGC.
-Trounce
I do know, that I really enjoy being a male. Something about being the protector of the species really calls to me. I never mind putting myself first, or volunteering to help. I think being the gentleman, knight in shining armor really speaks to me. Partly because its a great part of our history as men. I also think it needs to be reinforced lately. So many douche bags on planet earth right now. A whole lot more in and around my circle of friends than I thought. I know I am an asshole, especially when it comes to the emotions I put women through. I need work, I know that. But don't we all? Ive made a great many mistakes toward women. How many times will I revisit this nightmare.
Lets kill a few inner demons shall we. Lets see, Ive had 3 serious relationships I think. I've cheated in every one of them. I have lost all three, mainly for that reason. Is it all my fault.. I guess so. I couldn't keep my dick in my pants, mainly cuz its so huge! OK, We all know that's not true. Do I regret cheating, I would like to think not. I don't want to regret the one life I have, and the decisions I make in it. I would like to think I have had some of the most perfect women that life could offer, as far as them being my girlfriend.
My first. . Well, we had a song and everything. I was her first.. everything. She was the first person my heart was stolen by. She may not know it, But it was hers from the moment I laid eyes on her. It was that innocent smile, and those bright eyes. She was probably one of the happiest people id ever seen in my life. Hopefully no one knows what its like to see someone you love breaking down in front of you, because of something you did to them. I don't like to think I did that, more than once. But its true. However, in the time that we did spend together.. Despite being txted or called every other hour. . She was amazing to me. From the time we saw each other in the morning, until the txt or late call to wish each other good night.
The second, was nearly the same. Well, no. Who am I kidding. She was one of a kind, so imperfect. It was a square meeting a triangle. Different sides about everything. Nothing matched up, but we did. Somehow. Her blue eyes, so bright. She tried to hard to hide her lazy eye.. I noticed. She had the most adorable laugh, and dammit, I hated yelling at her. She didn't deserve my attitude on half the matters that came up. Although I put a lot of time and effort into our relationship. I don't think I gave it my all. More and more I think I could have saved it all. And now, Ive lost it for good I think. There are some that still put a small amount of stock into it, I just don't see it. She has gone so far as to get married, But not because of me. No. To be happy and move on. We still have, id hope, one thing that bonds us. Although, she will probably ignore it.
My third and most recent. . It still hurts, though she might not think it does. I don't even know that what we had was as real as we both think. It seemed to revolve around the bedroom, as I suppose made sense. Drinks and sex. I still loved her though. I think women are weird that way though. Taking only a moment to fall so ever deeply in love, and then when the relationship is over. It only seems a few months and they have completely forgotten everything. And as a man, Do I admit to still having such feelings long after? Is it because I can differentiate between romantic sex and physical gratification? Just something I will have to work on. She was amazing, If only we could find common ground besides a pillow top mattress.
In all these relationships I can say that I've learned a few things. Id like to say they are things I wont repeat. But that isn't the case, is it. Women are, as I've said, complex creatures. Ive read a six hundred page book, about understand women. I disregarded half of it I'm sure. Well, I retained the information. I just didn't find it accurate. Women are like time and technology. They change every few years. Things are not the way they used to be. I cant understand every one, I know that. I don't even understand myself sometimes. I am fully aware that the most sexually gratifying experiences have been with one of the three women that have been my girlfriends. And its not even due to the emotional part. Its just a fact. You can run a good race, But if you practice, you will only get better.
Perhaps, Ill just cut off women all together. Yeah, Why not. Why don't we try this, See if I can even keep a regiment to my readers. Today is.. Monday, February 21st. What happens if I don't sleep with anyone for six months. For kicks, as I've always wanted to.. Ill grow my hair out. No haircut for six months either. Lets see what I look like with ugly ass long hair. My mom will freak, I be she is as she reads this. It could be fun. Ill do my best to keep myself from women and such. Of course, though. Once I commit to this, Karma will kick me in the ass and throw every sexually frustrated women at my doorstep. Not that 2 months is any great deal, but 2 months penance for each failed relationship. What do I get if I can pull this off, as Life cant go without rewards. Well, In about six months time.. It will be my daughters birthday, and my sons will have just passed. So perhaps Ill visit my daughter? Who knows.
I will have to explain to all my friends over in Aussie, and throughout the rest of the world, and they will most likely laugh. By the way, My buddies over in Aussie are pretty bad ass. They give me more respect than I deserve. But that's cool. On with the games. They are becoming regular friends, which is nice. I cant tell you how few people ask me in real life how my kids are. I appreciate all those rough neck bastards in the good ol OGC.
-Trounce
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